June 14, 2011
Please Don’t Ask Before You Say Hello and Another 9 Don’ts
ME Liz Strauss wrote this at 7:30 am
Lead with Relationships
Again this week, I got an email from someone who doesn’t know me, who wanted to engage my network in her cause. This post is about that one email exchange that exemplified too many don’ts in my inbox.
I’m a person, not a network. And my network is made up friends and colleagues I respect. I value them. I treasure them. I trust them. I know I can’t replace them. I don’t give, share, or sell their attention to people I don’t know. So please …
1. Don’t Ask for Things Before We Know Each Other
Any person who takes the shortest while to follow me online knows that I’m a giver and I love to support my friends. Any person who takes a second longer also knows that
I want a relationship not a one-link stand.
What that means is that I want to get to know you before I recommend you or share what you do with my friends.
2. Don’t Ask for My Network
I’m writing because I’ve identified you as someone who is part of a networking empire that is basically unstoppable, and a major online influencer when it comes to what people are thinking and feeling and doing.
Translation: I want to use your network because my own isn’t big enough to reach my goal.
In itself that’s not a bad strategy to ask a friend to reach out to her network. But the relationship — the friendship and the trust — needs to be there first. This someone saw me as a channel of distribution, not a person. She wasn’t really looking at aligning our goals.
3. Don’t Assume Your Mission Is My Mission
The next five paragraphs were about her, her mission, and why her mission is important to her. Aside from describing their philosophy and stating that I lived it, the mission itself wasn’t very clear. Neither was why I should invest in it.
4. Don’t Lie by Omission
I got curious to find out more about the cause or the product that this mission was all about. It’s a retail and lifestyle brand of apparel. Funny how that never got mentioned in the first or the emails that followed.
5. Don’t Act Like I Work for You
Why have I gotten in touch with you today? Because I believe you embody my mission and can help others do the same.
Tweet the following message ….
Post the following message on Facebook …
Share the following message with your readers …Again, I might do plenty for a friend, but without that relationship, calling me to action so directly was telling me to open my network to someone I’ve never met.
6. Don’t Ask Me to Cross the FTC
Doesn’t telling me what to tweet or post break the FTC rules?
7. Don’t Offer Me Favors
My lack of response might have signaled that I was busy or that I had a lack of interest. But apparently it did not. Soon I got a follow up repeating a shorter version of the same message above the original.
Did you get it? Do you have any questions for me?
I’m working to develop a huge wave of enthusiasm … hope I can count on your support. And since I know favors go both ways, in return for your support I’d like to offer you a limited edition … t-shirt…
or maybe something else? Networking or entrepreneurial support?8. Don’t Assume I Have Nothing Better to Do
Let’s talk, and find out more about how we can help each other. Please let me know your thoughts ASAP …
Your urgency isn’t my urgency. I have my own work.
9. Don’t Shout Louder After a “No, Thank You.”
I replied as graciously as I might. My exact reply was …
I got your message. You have a lovely message that you want to share. Your energy is admirable. I can see your passion for what you’re doing. I wish you the best of luck with it.
Unfortunately, my family, my clients, and current projects are all I can keep up with. It wouldn’t be fair to them to take on another project.
Thanks for asking,
LizI might have expected that would be the end, but it wasn’t.
The reply read:
Hi Liz,
I understand and thank you for your reply.
The real reason I’m connecting with you is because YOU (as an individual), appear to fit [our] profile and seem like someone who’d want to be a part of something great, in its infancy stages – by doing something little to help spread the word and enthusiasm.
Even if just via your personal Facebook account or something – is there any way you’d be willing to help me out?
There’s a free [deleted description] T-shirt in it if you are…
)
Best to you with your business endeavors as well…
Two more emails followed in which I was commended for my “due diligence” in having checked out the emailer and set straight in that she had built her huge network from being positive and sincere with people who showed immediate enthusiasm for her cause.
I didn’t know that I had done that.
It was never mentioned that the “cause” was the philosophy behind a retail apparel brand.
These are only the don’ts from one email exchange with one person.
Do you have other don’ts that belong on this list?
Be Irresistible.
–ME “Liz” Strauss
Work with Liz on your business!!
These are only the don’ts from one email exchange with one person.
Do you have other don’ts that belong on this list?
Be Irresistible.
–ME “Liz” Strauss
Work with Liz on your business!!
-->
Filed under Marketing, Successful Blog | 13 Comments »
C'mon. Let's talk!
13 Comments to “Please Don’t Ask Before You Say Hello and Another 9 Don’ts”
- June 14th, 2011 at 7:47 am
Gabriella Sannino saidExcellent post, as usual. Amazing how many times (75%) I considered contacting “Huge” online personalities because it’s the right thing to do or so I’m told bu others to do, but then the other 25% of me (voice in my head) keeps telling me are you serious?
As much as we think we know you because you share so much there still a line I would never cross. What people don’t understand, is friendships whether online or off take time, and that’s something a lot of people just don’t want to invest in.
- June 14th, 2011 at 7:48 am
Jack saidWow – it’s amazing how far from traditional networking etiquette a lot of people have ventured. I get this kind of thing from people as well. They’re like Puffer Fish – they try to act big and important enough to make you think they should be taken seriously when, in fact, you can usually find nothing significant about them or their product/service anywhere.
And in the process of puffing themselves up, they don’t realize how rude and forward they are coming off.
- June 14th, 2011 at 7:54 am
Alexis Ceule saidAMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and I can’t type that big enough, loud enough or fast enough!
- June 14th, 2011 at 7:56 am
Deb Ng saidBut now you don’t get the free t-shirt!
This is one of my favorite posts from you, Liz, one I think so many bloggers can relate to. I don’t know why so many people think we’re happy to pitch products we never heard of or don’t believe in, simply because we’re all online. Even worse, I don’t understand why so many people reach out for us to do them favors without taking time to get to know us or our communities.
So thank you for saying what so many of are thinking.
- June 14th, 2011 at 8:03 am
Heather Solos saidDon’t assume I’m willing to bend over backwards and risk the irritation of my audience if you can’t even bother to figure out my name isn’t Ms. Home-Ec. (It’s not hidden.)
Great post, Liz.
- June 14th, 2011 at 8:12 am
Joan Macpherson saidGreat Article! I am in the non profit field and am developing social media for a catholic church. We have to be very careful about what we tweet, share etc.
I do find it challenging that because what is seen as a simple click of the mouse is so much more than that. Thank you for setting a wonderful example.
- June 14th, 2011 at 9:24 am
Chris Brogan saidI totally want to make this into a tee shirt. : )
- June 14th, 2011 at 9:27 am
Corri Corey said“I want a relationship not a one-link stand.”
Haha, I that this was seriously funny. Thank you for that, it’s been a rough morning. =)
- June 14th, 2011 at 9:41 am
Ali Davies saidLiz – standing ovation and rapturous applause in this little home office in Ireland!GREAT points. Loved ‘em.
As well as points you make so well, must have been just a touch insulting that access to you audience was valued at one T shirt!!!!
- June 14th, 2011 at 9:48 am
Charles Taggart saidGreat Article!!! Though I have been working on re-opening my studio, I haven’t yet but have received a plethora of emails and messages like this, even phone calls & I haven’t even had the facebook page up a month, let alone my website…
Love the “I want a relationship not a one-link stand.”, I agree with Chris B on that one, even as a Baseball hat…- June 14th, 2011 at 9:50 am
ME Liz Strauss saidGlad to see that I’m not the only one who wants to do business with a person who sees me as more than a channel of distribution.
Thank you all for chiming in.
And Chris … I think that t-shirt idea could fly!
- June 14th, 2011 at 10:07 am
Margie Clayman (@margieclayman) saidHi Liz,
I’m kind of torn on how to respond to this post.
On the one hand, I agree with everything you say. I know, “phew” right?
Here’s the problem, though, from my perspective. Folks like you, Brian Clark, Chris Brogan, and others are so generous with your time and efforts for so many people that it seems like you would be open to a “me too” kind of person. This post seems to indicate that if a person worded it better and was more thoughtful, you’d be on board.
I think there’s a real challenge for the world of Social Media when it comes to this issue. People who were using Social Media first and who have done a fabulous job building a network are now in the cumbersome position of being asked by loads of new people to help out. I’m not sure what the best answer is. I’d assume you wouldn’t want to just plain stop helping everyone, because that wouldn’t be fair. But sometimes it also feels like folks are okay with helping some kinds of people and not others, and I’m not sure the “others” really understand all of the time why they aren’t chosen as causes.
For me, it’s a bummer to see that some people jump over me in leaps and bounds because they beg for favors and get them while I try to earn things based on my own efforts – I think that’s an increasingly common frustration for newer folks in this online world.
Though provoking post – I hope my thoughts make some sense
- June 14th, 2011 at 10:40 am
Lee Silverstein saidGreat post Liz. You should send a thank-you email for providing you with the topic for this article!
Lee
